I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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