tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
