I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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