Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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