Sorry, I don't speak sober.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
