You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
