The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
