how do flat chested girls get laid?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
