I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He kissed a someone with a penis
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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