so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
