i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
