i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
