you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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