Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
So here I am, sexting at work.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
