like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
