Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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