I heard we made out
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
if i died would you start the facebook group?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
