my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
