I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
