He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
