your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize