I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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