We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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