He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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