i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
