Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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