I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
