the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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