i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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