Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
