Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
