I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
