eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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