would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
