i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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