i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
