this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
