If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
