I think i peed on brittanys purse
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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