Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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