Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
