I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
