We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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