I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
