he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You took a bar mat shot.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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