Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
