i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
