Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
