I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
