i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
