He kissed a someone with a penis
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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