The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
