I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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