when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
