So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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