im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My vagina just recognized that song.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
