I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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