I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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