I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
