I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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