I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
