dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
