I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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