i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
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