I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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