Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
