I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
