If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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