She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
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